Tuesday, February 17, 2009

I love this doctor ... :D

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer?
Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass
(green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best! feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! ! 'Round' is a shape!


Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:

'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO,
What a Ride'

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

:D :D :D

13 comments:

strike said...

ဟိဟိဟိ...so funny

khin oo may said...

မဖတ္ဘူး။ေက်ာ္သြားတယ္။ ဘုိလို ႔ပ်င္းလို႕။

khin oo may said...

strike က အၿမဲလာတယ္ေနာ္။ က်ိတ္ၿကိုက္ေနသလားမသိ။

မီယာ said...

အရမ္းကုိ ရီသြားတယ္... ေ၀လငါးရဲ႕ ေဘာ္ဒီရွိတ္ကုိ ျမင္ေယာင္ၿပီး ေရကူး သင္တန္းခေတြ ႏွေျမာ လုိက္တာဟယ္

shin said...

Just notice that there are a lot of things made from vegetable...but still unhealthy....ha ha ha...

Anonymous said...

My brother recommended I might like this blog.
He was totally right. This post actually made
my day. You cann't imagine just how much time I had spent for this info! Thanks!

Here is my webpage wiki.ruby-standard.org

Anonymous said...

Awsome article and right to the point. I don't know if this is in fact the best place to ask but do you guys have any ideea where to get some professional writers? Thanks in advance :)

Here is my web blog dateing site

Anonymous said...

Hello There. I found your blog using msn. This is an extremely well written article.
I�ll be sure to bookmark it and return to read more of your
useful info. Thanks for the post. I�ll definitely return.

Also visit my page - websites for online dating

Anonymous said...



my homepage :: dating websited

Anonymous said...

After study a couple of of the weblog posts in your website now, and I truly like
your method of blogging. I bookmarked it to my bookmark website
checklist and will probably be checking again soon. Pls try my web page as effectively and let me know what you think.



Feel free to surf to my web-site :: sites dating

Anonymous said...

Simply desire to say your article is as surprising. The clearness for
your post is simply nice and that i can suppose you're a professional in this subject. Well with your permission allow me to clutch your feed to keep up to date with impending post. Thank you 1,000,000 and please carry on the gratifying work.

Feel free to surf to my weblog http://testforcextrememuscle.com

Anonymous said...

I do not knοw ωhetheг it's just me or if everybody else experiencing problems with your website. It seems like some of the written text in your posts are running off the screen. Can someone else please comment and let me know if this is happening to them as well? This may be a problem with my web browser because I've
had this happen prevіously. Many thanks

Also ѵisit my site :: wikigpia.info

Anonymous said...

'member merchants'.

Here is my weblog - facebook of sex